A family is at the dinner table.
The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of b00bs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s bre@sts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, st*ll nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the son asks.
“Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter.
The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of w*ll-ies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his w*lly is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three birds sitting on a fence, and you sh00t one, how many are left?”
Johnny says, “None.”
The teacher asks, “Why?”
Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.”
The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.”
Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is l*cking her ice cream, one is s*cking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?”
The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.”
Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”
