Opening your front door to find the police is a universal nightmare, but for one grieving Canadian husband, the update on his missing wife took a shockingly dark, business-minded turn.
The day after his wife tragically vanished during a kayaking trip in Newfoundland, a pale and trembling Mr. Wilkens opened his door to find two stone-faced Royal Canadian Mounted Police officers standing on his porch.
“Mr. Wilkens,” the lead officer began solemnly, “we regret to inform you that we have news regarding your wife.”
“Please, tell me!” Wilkens blurted out anxiously. “Did you find her?”
The two officers exchanged a heavy, complicated glance. “We did, sir. But we have a unique situation here. We have some bad news, some good news, and some absolutely fantastic news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Bracing himself for the worst, Wilkens whispered, “Give me the bad news.”
The officer sighed. “I’m truly sorry, sir, but we recovered your wife’s body in the bay early this morning.”
Wilkens choked back a sob, burying his face in his hands. After a long moment, he gathered his composure and asked, “And… what could possibly be the good news?”
The officer’s expression shifted to one of professional optimism. “Well, sir, when we hauled her up from the depths, she had twelve 25-pound King crabs and six massive Dungeness crabs tightly attached to her. By maritime law, you are entitled to a full share of that premium catch. It’s worth a fortune!”
Stunned, confused, and thoroughly bewildered, Wilkens stammered, “If that’s the good news… what on earth is the fantastic news?”
The officer looked at him with a completely straight face and replied:
“We’re pulling her back up again tomorrow morning!”
