A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and g*ns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, k*sses her n*ck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he k*ssed your n*ck. If he wants s*x, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he n@useates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t k*ssing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was ga@y, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!”
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Two guys are driving along in a car when they see two dogs m*ting in someone’s yard.
The driver says,
“That is great. My wife and I do that every night.”
The passenger replies,
“My wife is conservative, she likes it the old-fashioned way. But if you tell me how you get your wife to do this, I would like to try it.”
The driver says,
“Give your wife two drinks and she will be all set.”
The next morning they’re cruising along and the driver asks,
“How was it?”
The passenger answers,
“It was great, but it took my wife ten drinks.”
The driver looks at him funny and says,
“Ten drinks?”
The passenger says,
“Yes. After two she was more than willing to m*ke l*ve that way, but it took her eight more to get her out on the front lawn!”
