Little Johnny wandered into the kitchen one afternoon where his mother was busy prepping dinner. With his birthday just around the corner, he figured it was the absolute perfect time to drop a major hint.
“Mom, I want a new bike for my birthday,” he announced confidently.
Now, Johnny was notorious for being a bit of a neighborhood troublemaker. He was constantly finding himself in hot water both at school and at home. His mother looked at him, raised an eyebrow, and asked if he honestly believed his actions over the past year warranted such a generous gift.
Johnny, of course, was convinced he was an absolute angel.
Wanting her son to truly reflect on his behavior, his mother handed him a pen and paper. “Go up to your room, Johnny, and really think about how you’ve behaved this year. Then, write a letter to God explaining exactly why you deserve a bike for your birthday.”
Stomping up the stairs to his bedroom, Johnny slammed the door, sat down at his desk, and began his first draft:
Letter 1: Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Your friend, Johnny.
Johnny stared at the paper. He knew it was a blatant lie. Sighing, he crumpled up the page and started over.
Letter 2: Dear God, this is your friend Johnny. I have been a pretty good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you. Your friend, Johnny.
He winced. That was still pushing the truth. He ripped it up and tried a more modest approach.
Letter 3: Dear God, I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. Johnny.
Even “OK” felt like a massive stretch given his recent trips to the principal’s office. He tore it to shreds and attempted to bargain.
Letter 4: God, I know I haven’t been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I promise I will be a good boy from now on if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you, Johnny.
He looked at the fourth letter and shook his head. Even if he was being sincere, he knew deep down that a sudden promise of good behavior wasn’t going to miraculously seal the deal.
Frustrated and desperate, Johnny marched down the stairs and announced to his mother that he needed to go to the local church immediately. His mother smiled to herself, utterly thrilled. She thought her clever plan had actually worked and that her son was headed to seek forgiveness.
“Just make sure you’re back in time for dinner,” she said gently.
Johnny walked down the street, pushed open the heavy church doors, and crept quietly up to the altar. He checked over both shoulders to ensure the pews were completely empty. Spotting a small, beautiful statue of the Virgin Mary, Johnny snatched it up, stuffed it safely beneath his shirt, and bolted out of the building.
He sprinted all the way home, flew up the stairs, and locked his bedroom door. Pounding heart, he sat at his desk, pulled out a fresh piece of paper, and furiously scribbled out his fifth and final message:
Letter 5: God, I’VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE HER ALIVE AGAIN, SEND THE RED BIKE!!!
