Johnny’s Very Practical Church Donation
Every Sunday afternoon a mother found a candy bar wrapper in her young son’s room.
She finally had to ask:
“Johnny, why do I find a candy bar wrapper in your room every Sunday after church?”
He answered by saying that God gave him the money and he used it to buy a candy bar.
The mother quickly replied.
“God gave it to you? How did this happen?”
“Well Mom, you give me a dollar to give to God.”
“So before church every Sunday I throw it up into the air. I figure if God wants it he’ll take it. If not, it will fall back down to me.”
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The Overly Honest Witness
During a high-stakes corporate fraud trial, a young, arrogant lawyer wanted to humiliate an 80-year-old local woman on the witness stand to destroy the credibility of her testimony.
The lawyer stepped up to the stand, puffed out his chest, and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you happen to know who I am?”
The old lady looked at him for a moment, shook her head, and sighed, “Oh, I know you, Johnny. I’ve known you since you were a crying little toddler. And I must tell the truth, you are a m@ssive dis@ppointment. You’ve always been a li@r, a che@t, someone who loves to b@ckstab your colle@gues, and a che@ter. You think you’re a great lawyer, but everyone in this town knows you’re just a d*rty, m*nipulative snake!”
The entire courtroom fell dead silent. The young lawyer turned completely pale, utterly speechless. Trying desperately to save face, he quickly pointed across the room to the opposing attorney sitting at the next table and shouted, “Well… what about the opposing counsel over there? Do you know who he is?!”
The old lady replied completely straight-faced, “Oh, I know him too. Old Bradley over there is a l@zy, st!ngy man, and he has quite a reput@tion for taking bribes to fix cases…”
Before the old lady could even finish her sentence, the elderly Chief Judge slammed his gavel down on the bench with a terrifying CRACK. He leaned far forward, glared intensely at both lawyers, and commanded in a low, threatening whisper:
“Listen to me, both of you! If either of you dares to ask that woman if she knows who I am… I will hold you both in contempt of court and send you to prison for life immediately. Do I make myself clear?!”
“Listen to me, both of you! If either of you dares to ask that woman if she knows who I am… I will hold you both in contempt of court and send you to prison for life immediately. Do I make myself clear?!”
